If you’re having challenges in your sex life such as: spending too much time alone, too much time with the guys, lack of confidence, anger issues, ineffective dating skills, a bachelor’s lifestyle, trouble committing, trouble communicating and connecting emotionally with your partner, unusually low or high interest in sex, erection challenges, too much partying, substance abuse, pornography issues, sexual compulsivity, or other addictions, fidelity issues, and so on, Angelo can help you conquer your concerns, getting you more of what you really want.
If you’re a heterosexual man that engages in cross dressing or a straight transgender man, please go to my gender page for more information.
In the conservative times of the late 1940’s and early 1950’s, Kinsey introduced the Kinsey scale, stating that males do not represent two mutually exclusive populations, either heterosexual or homosexual. Nature rarely, if ever, has two discrete categories for anything. Non-exclusive or occasional same sex behavior has been observed in over 1500 animal species. Male sexuality, he proposed, is thus a continuum, or fluid in nature, and most men find themselves somewhere between the two opposite camps. Furthermore, a man’s position may shift several times over his lifetime. Suffice it to say, that same sex behavior is not the same as being gay.
Studies have shown that it’s common for people to have same sex thoughts, fantasies or experiences ― they just don’t acknowledge it. It’s admitting it that’s uncommon, not the behavior itself. In 1948, Kinsey published that nearly 50% of all the men he surveyed (the vast majority of whom self-identified as heterosexual) reported a sexual experience with another male in their lifetime and 38% reported reaching the point of orgasm with another guy before age 45. Most hustlers (men who have sex with men for money) self-identify as straight. More recently, a New York City survey revealed that about one in ten self-identified straight men also reported having sex with another man in the previous year. The point is more men have sex with men than just the one’s self-identifying as gay.
I’m not implying that everyone’s gay or bisexual, but I am suggesting that everyone isn’t as polarized or fixed in their sexual orientation as we like to think. There's straight men who are 95% straight and 5% "gay," 90/10, 80/20, 70/30, or 60/40. Human beings share the capacity for a range of sexual potential with other humans. Human sexuality is fluid, dynamic, and expansive rather than static, unchanging, and narrow. Since “gayness” isn’t socially accepted, it can become a sort of latent sexual potential. This means it potentially exists as a part of our sexuality for most males, but it remains buried and undeveloped until personal and social circumstances are right for its development. If it were more socially acceptable to be more physically and emotionally intimate with someone of the same sex, then we would see more men openly exploring all the possibilities encompassed by the full range of their sexuality. It’s the gay stigma that inhibits people, especially men, from doing so more openly.
If you find yourself curious and confused, I can assist you in exploring and discovering yourself, getting clarity, feeling normal, affirming yourself, exploring and discovering a new world, building new relationships, and making the changes you want to make in your life.
Questioning and Bisexual Men
Bisexuality is a real orientation in and of itself. While valid, and even chic in some circles, it can nevertheless come with problems from hurtful stereotypes and discrimination ― from both straights and gays! This can be alienating, feeling like you don’t belong anywhere and thinking that finding a lasting relationship with either a woman or a man is hopeless. If you’re “bi” or bi-curious, Angelo can help you be your true self and thrive in a sometimes insensitive world.
“Bi” can also be a “safe word” used by gay men, since a “bi” label brings relatively less scrutiny to oneself than a gay one. The “gay” part of us, no matter how big or small a part of us it is, can get deeply repressed from the collective conscious of centuries of religious teachings and social stigma. Since “gayness” isn’t socially accepted, it can become disguised or camouflaged in bisexuality. If it were more socially acceptable to romantically love someone of the same sex, then we would see more men openly exploring all the possibilities encompassed by the full range of their sexuality. It’s the gay stigma that inhibits people, especially men, from doing so more openly. You have the strength and courage to be who you are. I can assist you to love yourself as you are, and others as they are, with pride.
Gay Men and Homoflexible men
As a published author and Advice Columnist (Ask Angelo Archives) on this topic, I advocate to eradicate homo-negativity from within and without. I approach gayness as something that’s positive, natural, and healthy. Suffering comes from other people’s toxic reactions to being gay, not from being gay by nature. Ingesting this hatred and eventually believing it, we then turn the gun on ourselves. All gay men experience social and psychological trauma because of gay stigma, prejudice, discrimination, bigotry, and oppression. Gays are significantly stressed and unfairly challenged by the toxic homophobic atmosphere of our heterosexist culture, and negatively impacted by the dysfunctional responses of others to their true nature. Angelo believes you are born gay. It is not a choice. It is not a moral issue. It isn’t a social issue either. It is a human rights issue. Angelo helps gay men thrive and sustain relationships in a sometimes insensitive world, providing trauma resolution from outside hate than can turn inward. We have lost too many to suicide from stigma, rejection, bullying, and persecution.
For both closeted and out gay men, internalized homophobia levels have been found to be the largest impediment to mental health. The experience of societal stigma, discrimination, and oppression makes gay men view their sexual identity in a negative way and produces shame. This results in low self-esteem, emotional distress, physical disease and increased suicide risk. Further, coping responses like drugs, alcohol, unsafe sex, sex, porn, food, over-exercise, over-work, etc., mitigate the stress of living in a heterosexist culture, but are self-destructive. Symptoms like overemphasizing masculine traits, isolation, disconnection, addiction, and loneliness emerge. I work to free all men from horrible fear, humiliation, and shame, toward recognizing the negative impact of homophobia on all men and the importance of developing a positive sexual identity.
It’s my goal to help change damaging experiences for gay men by: improving the poisonous homophobic atmosphere of our culture, alleviating symptoms or problems arising from these sensitive issues, fostering self-acceptance and self-love, affirming non-shameful authentic sexual identity, encouraging personal growth, and improving relationships. Thus, all of my work is in the context of being gay-affirmative.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone more deserving of your love than you are, but that person will not be found. You deserve your love most.” – Buddha
- “Gay Is Good.” Franklin Kameny
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